Bloody well rung again, though. Is probably out with someone thinner. 5 a.m. What s wrong with me? I'm completely alone. Hate Daniel Cleaver. Am going to bearshare download have nothing more to bearshare download do with him. Am going to bearshare download get weighed. Monday 16 January 9 st 2 (from bearshare download why? why?), alcohol units 0, cigarettes 20, calories 1500, positive thoughts 0. 10.36 a.m. Office. Daniel is bearshare download still locked in his meeting. Maybe it was a genuine excuse. 1 p.m. Just saw Daniel leaving for bearshare download lunch. He has bearshare download messaged me or anything. V. depressed. Going shopping. 11.50 p.m. Just had dinner with Tom in Harvey Nichols Fifth Floor, who was obsessing about a pretentious-sounding 'freelance film maker' called Jerome. Moaned to bearshare download him about Daniel, who was in meetings all afternoon and bearshare download only managed to bearshare download say, 'Hi, Jones, how's the skirt?' at bearshare download 4.30. Tom said not to bearshare download be bearshare download paranoid, give it time, but I could tell bearshare download was not concentrating and bearshare download only wanted to bearshare download talk about Jerome as suffused bearshare download sex-lust. Tuesday 24 January Heaven-sent day. At 5.30, like a gift from God, Daniel appeared, sat himself on the edge of bearshare download my desk, with his back to bearshare download Perpetua, took out his diary and bearshare download murmured, 'How are you fixed for bearshare download Friday?' Yessssssi Yessssss! Friday 27 January 9st 3 (but stuffed with Genoan food), alcohol units 8, cigarettes 400 (feels like), calories 875. Huh. Had dream date at bearshare download an intime little Genoan restaurant near Daniel's flat. 'Um . . bearshare download right. I'll get a taxi,' I bearshare download awkwardly as we stood in the street afterwards. Then he lightly brushed a bearshare download from my bearshare download bearshare download my cheek in his hand and bearshare download kissed me, urgently, desperately. After a while he held me hard against him and bearshare download whispered throatily, 'I don't think you'll be bearshare download needing that taxi, Jones.' The second we were inside his flat we upon each other like beasts: shoes, jackets, strewn in a trail across the room. 'I bearshare download think this skirt's looking at bearshare download all well,' he murmured. 'I think it should lie down bearshare download the floor.' bearshare download he started to bearshare download undo the zip he whispered, 'This is bearshare download just a bit of bearshare download fun, OK? I don't think we should start getting involved.' Then, caveat in place, he bearshare download on with the zip. Had it not been for bearshare download Sharon and bearshare download the fuckwittage and bearshare download the fact I'd just drunk the best part of bearshare download a bottle of bearshare download wine, I think I would have sunk powerless into his bearshare download As it was, I leapt to bearshare download my feet, pulling up my skirt. 'That is bearshare download just such crap,' I slurred. 'How dare you be bearshare download so fraudulently flirtatious, cowardly and bearshare download dysfunctional? bearshare download am not interested in emotional fuckwittage. Goodbye.' It was great. You should have seen his face. But no I am home I am sunk into gloom. I may have been right, but my reward, I know, will be bearshare download to bearshare download end up all alone, half-eaten by bearshare download Alsatian. FEBRUARY. Valentine's Day Massacre Wednesday 1 February 9 st, alcohol units 9, cigarettes 28 (but will soon give up for bearshare download Lent so might as well bearshare download self into disgusted smoking frenzy), calories 3826. Spent the weekend struggling to bearshare download remain disdainfully buoyant bearshare download the Daniel fuckwittage debacle. I kept saying the words, 'Self-respect' and bearshare download 'Huh' over and bearshare download over till I was dizzy, trying to bearshare download barrage out, 'But I lurrrve him.' Smoking was v. bad. Apparently there is bearshare download a Martin Amis character who is bearshare download so.,
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